My computer at work is on the blink. I had to do this entirely at home after the show.
And when I got home, I realized I left some of my notes at work. If I get the computer up and running Tuesday morning, maybe I'll be able to spruce up this issue of the Wahoo. If it's still on the blink, the Wahoo may be lacking. See if you can tell the difference.

Right after tonight's show, Paul and the band are hurrying over to the Waldorf-Astoria to perform as the house band for the 2005 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Being inducted tonight: U2, The O'Jays, Percy Sledge, Buddy Guy, and the Pretenders. This will be Paul's 20th year performing in the role, having missed only 2 when the inductions were out of town. You can see all the fun this Saturday night on VH-1 at 9:00.

GEORGE W. BUSH MASTER ORATOR: From a February 28th speech to the Nation's governors.

"That'll help some of you having trouble reaching your clean air requirements do so without affecting your economics."

TONY MENDEZ: MAGICIAN - our friend Tony Mendez spent the day with Magic Al learning all the secrets of the great magicians. He then went out and to the streets to perform what he learned.

Back from commercial, Dave admits when younger, he was a casino cheat. He's not proud of it, but it is part of his history. It's all in the book.

TOP TEN: Things Overheard During Bill Clinton's Hospital Stay - the President had to have another operation to clean up some scar tissue that developed following his bypass surgery.
#10. "A nurse is coming! Put him in the restraints!"
#8. "Canseco's here with something that'll make you feel amazing!"
#4. "For some reason, he always forgets the surgical gown opens in the back."
#2. "Al Gore! When did you start working as an orderly?"

Dave tries to think of more songs by The O'Jays. "Love Train" is one. And what were some of the stops on the Love Train?
Paul counts off: England. China. Russia. Egypt. Israel. Did Paul get them all? Did I get all the ones Paul declared? I don't know. I may have missed one or added one. Did he include Africa?

ASHTON KUTCHER: He's on the FOX "That 70s Show." He's got his own show on MTV, "Punk'd." And he stars in the new motion picture, "Guess Who?" opening March 25. And there's rumor that Demi is pregnant. Is this true? Ashton says it's news to him, then asks, "Why am I the last to know?" Hmmm, is he punking us or not?
Ashton was down at the Daytona 500 recently and had the honor of waving the green flag. I think the green flag is to start the race. Before arriving at the race, Ashton was told as honorary starter, he couldn't wear blue jeans. He would have to wear khakis. Ashton was a bit shocked at the request. Proud of his redneck heritage, Ashton says he never watched a race in khakis before. It boiled him up to no end, but he did acquiesce and went with the khakis. His being a good sport paid off. Most times the honorary starter only gets to stand in the starting booth for two laps. The guy in charge let him stay for 6. Dave was impressed, then asked, "And how many laps is the race? 200?"
About the ban on blue jeans, Dave wondered if NASCAR is turning its back on its heritage? Good question. Is NASCAR brushing the southern dust from their denim in an attempt to appeal to the pearls and Armani crowd? We'll see.

Ashton has been working out the body recently, seeing how he's let it go for the past 7 years. He says the body regenerates every 7 years and the last 7 years of his life contained too much drinking, smoking, and partying. His body has suffered. So he hired a trainer, a guy who comes to his house to throw abuse his way. Ashton was shown the chin up bar and he was able to do one. He hung on the bar for the remaining 30 seconds. He's since gotten up to 9. And he's been on a diet, too. Why the big change? Why the new concern over his body and fitness? Ashton says Demi got him into doing some training. How? He says they went out to see the movie "Troy" . . . . . Right. The movie where Brad Pitt is naked half the time. So Ashton went out and hired Brad Pitt's trainer.

BIFF HENDERSON'S "HEY, YOU!" - It seems everybody has one of those "Punk'd" shows on the TV these days. Our very own Biff Henderson has one and it looks to be a future hit. We see the most recent installment. We cut to a clip of Biff yelling out the window of the Ed Sullivan Office Building, "Hey, you!" A guy walking across the street stops and looks up at Biff. Unfortunately, the guy did not see the oncoming yellow taxi cab barreling down 53rd Street. The guy gets squished like a guy who was just run over by a yellow taxi cab.
Back from the clip, Dave says he was a bit surprised the guy was willing to sign the release form following the piece. Sometimes that's the hardest part of doing something like Biff's "Hey, You!" I was pleased that Dave paid homage to the unappreciated workings of the underlings who make the airing of such a piece possible.

ACT 5: A Late Show Announcement:

"Don't miss any of Late Show Announcer Alan Kalter's appearances during the week of March 14, 2005.
Tomorrow, I will be conducting my workshop 'Your Voice and You' at the Caldwell Senior Citizens Center in Caldwell, New Jersey.
On Wednesday, I will be signing autographs at the Millcreek Mall in Erie, Pennsylvania. And on Thursday evening, I will enjoy my weekly dinner at Red Lobster in Times Square.
Please don't ask me to pose for photographs until after I have finished my Chocolate Wave dessert cake.
Check for updates on all my appearances at KalterWorld.com. Tell Your Friends!"

And that was our show for Monday, March 14. Wahoo EXTRA!

I said it last year and it's worth repeating this year: Automatic bids to the March Madness NCAA Basketball Tournament should not have to participate in the "Play-in" game. For years the NCAA tournament consisted of 64 teams. A few years ago it was increased to 65 with two teams having to play prior to the opening round in order to make it a nice reducible number of 64 teams. This one game is unofficially called a "Play-in" game. I feel this game should be reserved for teams that were invited to the tournament, not for a teams that won its conference and EARNED an automatic bid. This year's participants in the Play-in game are the Oakland Golden Grizzlies (12-18) vs. the Alabama A&M Bulldogs (18-13).
Sure, Oakland (of Michigan) doesn't have a record worthy to participate in the tournament, but they earned the right to play by winning the Mid-Continent Conference championship. They earned their "IN." The Alabama A&M Bulldogs won the Southwestern Athletic Conference. They too earned their "IN."
The teams selected to play in the "Play-in Game" should be two teams that have been INVITED to the tournament.
And the big first round upset will be . . . . . . Texas El-Paso (11) over Utah (6). But the bigger upset: Winthrop (14) over Gonzaga (3).

Hey, did you notice the new desk microphone? It's the AKG C 414 B-ULS microphone.

"The C 414 B-ULS is THE reference microphone for almost all comparative microphone tests and one of the most used condenser microphones in the world. It is the microphone of choice for miking up vocals, grand pianos, percussions, and any other sound sources with complex waveforms.
A gold-sputtered 1-inch dual-diaphragm and Ultra Linear Series electronics combine to provide an extremely smooth frequency response."