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THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Michael Keaton; and David Sedaris.
PLUS: 4 Universal Truths; Late Show safety
precaution; Wimbledon Highlight; Telemundo Highlight;
"Dateline" proomo; a Reality Show Quiz; a top ten
list; and Dave clears up a little legal problem.
Dave asks, "Paul, do you think Hawaiian print shirts
are making a comeback?" This stems back from the pre-show
Q&A. I rarely am in position to hear much of the pre-show
chat but today I was running through when a guy on the slightly
heavy side stood up wearing a Hawaiian shirt and asked Dave,
"Do you think Hawaiian print shirts will make a
comeback?" Dave darts back, "Not on you."
There are 4 Universal Truths in the World.
These are bits of knowledge Dave has picked up over the years.
I was able to name two. 1. "When you eat M&Ms
or peanuts, in a matter of seconds you'll be doing this." -
Dave shakes his hand if he has a handful of nuts. -- I
got this one. 2. "Sunday never feels like a
Saturday. It always feels like a Sunday." --- I
didn't get this one, though it sounds the slightest bit
familiar. 3. "If you yank a hair out of your nose,
you'll sneeze." --- I got this one. 4.
"If you are a man and you know how to fold a shirt, chances
are you are gay." --- Damn, I didn't get this one
but I should have.
And of course, the motto here at the
Late Show is "Safety First." It is why
every night before the show we have our building engineer
George Clarke put away the Late Show
bear. And it's not just any bear . . . it's a wild grizzly.
During this, someone offstage sneezed. Dave wants to know who
sneezed. No one comes forward. Paul suggests someone must
have just pulled a hair out of their nose. Oooh, that Paul is
good. He is good.
Dave needs to take care of some
legal matters. We head over to Rupert's. His
Slurpee machine has been spitting out delicious
Slurpees for two weeks now and he's sold close to 1,000.
Unfortunately for us and for Rupert, the 7-11 chain
owns the name "Slurpee." 7-11 called and told us
that Rupert has to stop calling it "Slurpee" or else,
as Dave says, "they will sue your nuts off." After a
beat, a frightened and confused Rupert says,
"Mine?!" That's right. The Late
Show isn't the one making a profit on this. It's
Rupert. So instead, Dave decides to call the delicious icy
treat, "Rupert Jee's Frozen Fruit Whippy." Great
name! It may even dent the Slurpee industry. Hopefully,
Rupert registers this name tonight.
WIMBLEDON
HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT: More slo-mo fun of tennis
sensation Maria Sharapova. Not only is she a
great tennis player (she's the Wimbledon defending champ), she's
also one heck of a business woman. Good for her.
Did
you see the "Dateline" last night with
Katie Couric interviewing the runaway bride? NBC was all
excited about it and they were running this promo for the show.
"Tonight, a 'Dateline NBC' special.
Why did she do it? Why did she run? Learn all the answers as
runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks sits down for the
whole hour with Katie Couric. And as an added bonus, we're
proud to present Ms. Wilbank's eyes in super deluxe 3-D!"
We see her eyes pop out.
TELEMUNDO HIGHLIGHT - from "Laura" - in
this installment, a man is facing the music for turning his wife
into a prostitute. We see a clip of a guy in the
"Laura" guest chair get clotheslined by an audience
member. OUCH! I'll have to ask the writer who found
this footage how and why he watches "Laura." Here in
New York, "Laura" is on up against . . . the
Late Show. Well, I guess that answers the 'why.'
REALITY SHOW QUIZ - There are about 30
reality shows that will run during the summer months.
Yippee. Some of my favorites from the quiz: -On
"The Cut," Tommy Hilfiger shocked the contestants when
he told them: A) "They had just an hour to
design their first piece." B) "One of them
would be eliminated today." C) "He has a
wife and two kids."
-On this episode of
"Supernanny," the biggest mistake these parents are
making is: A) Not establishing clear rules
B) Being too lenient C) Exploiting their
children on reality television
-This is the memorable
episode of "American Chopper" in which: A)
They have trouble building a bike and the father yells at the
son. B) They have trouble building a bike and the
son yells at the father. C) They have trouble
building a bike and the father and son yell at each other
-"Hit Me Baby One More Time" proves: A)
People love nostalgia B) The old rock bands still
sound good C) We're not the only show that recycles
old material
TOP TEN: REASONS SADDAM HUSSEIN
LOVES DORITOS #8. The 'crunch' sounds like the
breaking of a dissident's bones. #3. "Cool
Ranch" flavor is a preview of the paradise that awaits a
martyr. #2. When beard is full of orange crumbs, he can
do hilarious 'Yosemite Saddam' character.
MICHAEL
KEATON: He stars in "Herbie: Fully Loaded"
which opened today. He's also the only good Batman from the
Batman movie series, though I hear Christian Bale's performance
is pretty good. Michael shows off his eyeglasses that
were mauled by his dog. Dave examines the glasses and guesses,
"You put him down, right?" It's a bit of a morbid
thought but I love when Dave slips that in, "put him
down." He does it quite a bit and it catches the guest
off-guard. How did Michael spend summers as a kid?
They really didn't go on vacations, maybe a weekend trip here
and there, but mostly it was just dad getting the kids to pile
into the car and just go for a drive to no place in particular.
Maybe to Raccoon Lake. Michael recalls spending most of his
summer childhood in nothing but his underpants. Ahhh, in his
underpants at Raccoon Lake. Life is so simple for a child.
-Right around here it was suggested in the shack that we
get Michael to do something with Rupert in the ACT 5.
Something was quickly typed up and then had to be distributed.
I was on the distribution end. I tried to follow Michael's
segment best I could, but most slipped through the cracks. I
wanted to sit and listen since Michael is one of my favorite
guests, but I really couldn't. I guess I'll have to read the
Wahoo to find out what happened.
One time
on the way to Raccoon Lake, Michael fell out of the car while it
was moving. He rolled hard on the gravel road. He quickly got
up crying and ran after the car. He was afraid they didn't
realize he was no longer a passenger. He wasn't sure how far he
ran but as a kid, it felt like miles and miles. Michael
is a true professional. When offered an acting job, he likes to
do his best. So it bothered him when he saw a transvestite in
the city the other day who really didn't put any work into
his/her transvestiteness. The guy was a big hulking guy, but
he put nothing into his act. No good walk, no good attitude,
no good technique. It was as if he slapped on a wig and
grabbed his purse and out the door he went. Michael felt if he
was going to play the part, he should at least try to be the
part. "Herbie: Fully Loaded" opened today and
with a little help, Michael was able to explain that it's a fun
movie that adults will enjoy too. It's playing at my drive-in.
I have it penciled in for next week.
Sorry, but that's
all I got on Keaton. I know there was more. After the show,
people were commenting on how much they like Keaton and Sedaris.
Two good guests who can tell a good story and tell
DAVID SEDARIS: Always a joy. No bells, no
whistles, no fireworks, just simple conversation which Sedaris
can twist the way only he can. As a bestselling author,
David is often on a book-signing tour. And at a recent
reading, he decided to put out a tip jar. His bank card was
out of whack and he needed some ready cash. The tip jar was
such a hit that he's included the tip jar at all his readings.
And he still uses the excuse about his bank card.
Another way he makes some easy money at book-signings is this
way: Often times there is at least a 20-minute line for his
readers to get to the signing table. So, just before he
starts, David will go to the back of the line and tell people he
will sign their books immediately for $5. Most people go for
it. And most think the money goes directly to charity. David
tells them, "No, it goes directly to me."
(Hmmm, maybe for $5 I'll e-mail the daily
Wahoo directly to you. . . . But of course, I'm
kidding. Of course . . .)
David's recent splurge into
capitalism has got him in some legal trouble. In UCLA, he
started offered priority signing for smokers. Fans of Sedaris
know he is a fan of the smoking. He decided it would be a good
idea to give smokers the privilege of jumping to the front of
the line. Only those who had a pack of cigarettes on them
could go to the front. Well, at UCLA, a lawsuit was filed
against him for discriminating against non-smokers on state
property. David then changed his priority signing privilege to
smokers and adults who wear braces. He did this just so the
guy would have to amend his lawsuit to say Sedaris was also
discriminating against adults who don't wear braces.
ACT 5: It's Michael Keaton at Rupert's Hello
Deli. Keaton: "Hi, I'm Michael Keaton, and
when I come to New York, I make it my business to enjoy a Rupert
Jee's Frozen Fruit Whippy." Michael sips. He then
turns to Rupert, "I'm gonna sue your nuts off!!"
DAVID SEDARIS: David read a short fable of
his; "The Cat and the Baboon." His reads are always
a riot. I find much of the fun comes after the commas. Be
sure to look for his New York Times #1 best seller, "Dress
Your Family in Corduroy and Denim." Get the book. It's a
great summer read no matter the season. David has
another book out now, a collection of some of his favorite short
stories, entitled, "Children Playing Before a Statue of
Hercules." All the proceeds from the book benefit a
charitable organization called 826NYC, which is a literacy
organization
And that was our show for Wednesday,
June 22, 2005. Wahoo
EXTRA! I thought NBA legend
Bill Walton had bad feet and ankles that made it
hard for him to get around. If that is so, how can he be
hopping from the Spurs bandwagon to the Pistons bandwagon to the
Spurs and back to the Pistons? He's showing great agility!
Let's all take a moment and think back, back, back, to
those school days of long ago . . . . and the joy you felt on
the last day of school. Ahhhhhhh. Now go back and
think about it some more. Ahhhhhhh. Now curse yourself
for not becoming a teacher.
SLURPEE FUN
FACTS: - Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada purchases
more Slurpees than anyplace else in the world - The #1
consumer of Slurpees in the United States is Detroit. -
11.6 million Slurpees are sold each month worldwide -
Since its introduction, 6 billion Slurpees have been
sold. - This July 11, 7-11 will celebrate the 40th
birthday of the Slurpee.
Rush & Molloy
gossip column in Wednesday's New York Daily News: Hermes
luxury-goods store in Paris wouldn't let Oprah in
after closing to buy a watch. No word from Oprah, but a friend
is very upset. Oooh, they wouldn't let Oprah in after the
store was closed? Oh my, they were treating Oprah like a
regular person???? Heavens. Word is Oprah is none too
pleased either. Of course, I'm getting this from Rush
& Molloy, so beware. I'm hearing more hot talk about this
will be coming.
The other day I mentioned how I was
surprised to see that Texas bordered Arkansas. I always
pictured Arkansas over here and Texas way over there. I was
boring someone with that story today when the term
"Texarkana" snuck into my brain. Of course Texas
borders Arkansas! It's Texarkana! What was I thinking?
AFI's TOP 100 MOVIE LINES: 1.
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Gone With the
Wind, 1939 2. "I'm going to make him an offer he
can't refuse." The Godfather, 1972 3. "You
don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender.
I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I
am." On the Waterfront, 1954 4. "Toto, I've
got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." The Wizard of
Oz, 1939 5. "Here's looking at you, kid."
Casablanca, 1942 6. "Go ahead, make my day."
Sudden Impact, 1983 7. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm
ready for my close-up." Sunset Blvd., 1950 8.
"May the Force be with you." Star Wars, 1977
9. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy
night." All About Eve, 1950 10. "You talking
to me?" Taxi Driver, 1976 11. "What we've got
here is failure to communicate." Cool Hand Luke,
1967 12. "I love the smell of napalm in the
morning." Apocalypse Now, 1979 13. "Love means
never having to say you're sorry." Love Story, 1970
14. "The stuff that dreams are made of." The Maltese
Falcon, 1941 15. "E.T. phone home." E.T. the
Extra Terrestrial, 1982 16. "They call me Mister
Tibbs!" In the Heat of the Night, 1967 17.
"Rosebud." Citizen Kane, 1941 18. "Made
it, Ma! Top of the world!" White Heat, 1949 19.
"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this
anymore!" Network, 1976 20. "Louis, I think
this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
Casablanca, 1942 21. "A census taker once tried to
test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice
Chianti." The Silence of the Lambs, 1991 22.
"Bond. James Bond." Dr. No, 1962 23.
"There's no place like home." The Wizard of Oz,
1939 24. "I am big! It's the pictures that got
small." Sunset Blvd., 1950 25. "Show me the
money!" Jerry Maguire, 1996 26. "Why don't you
come up sometime and see me?" She Done Him Wrong,
1933 27. "I'm walking here! I'm walking here!"
Midnight Cowboy, 1969 28. "Play it, Sam. Play 'As
Time Goes By.'" Casablanca, 1942 29. "You
can't handle the truth!" A Few Good Men, 1992 30.
"I want to be alone." Grand Hotel, 1932 31.
"After all, tomorrow is another day!" Gone With the
Wind, 1939 32. "Round up the usual suspects."
Casablanca, 1942 33. "I'll have what she's
having." When Harry Met Sally, 1989 34. "You
know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips
together and blow." To Have and to Have Not, 1944
35. "You're gonna need a bigger boat." Jaws,
1975 36. "Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't
need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking
badges!" The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, 1948 37.
"I'll be back." The Terminator, 1984 38.
"Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of
the earth. " The Pride of the Yankees, 1942 39.
"If you build it, he will come." Field of Dreams,
1989 40. "Mama always said life was like a box of
chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest
Gump, 1994 41. "We rob banks." Bonnie and
Clyde, 1967 42. "Plastics." The Graduate,
1967 43. "We'll always have Paris."
Casablanca, 1942 44. "I see dead people." The
Sixth Sense, 1999 45. "Stella! Hey, Stella!" A
Streetcar Named Desire, 1951 46. "Oh, Jerry, don't
let's ask for the moon. We have the stars." Now, Voyager,
1942 47. "Shane. Shane. Come back!" Shane,
1953 48. "Well, nobody's perfect." Some Like
It Hot, 1959 49. "It's alive! It's alive!"
Frankenstein, 1931 50. "Houston, we have a
problem." Apollo 13, 1995 51. "You've got to
ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya,
punk?" Dirty Harry, 1971 52. "You had me at
'hello.'" Jerry Maguire, 1996 53. "One morning
I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I
don't know. " Animal Crackers, 1930 54.
"There's no crying in baseball!" A League of Their
Own, 1992 55. "La-dee-da, la-dee-da." Annie
Hall, 1977 56. "A boy's best friend is his
mother." Psycho, 1960 57. "Greed, for lack of
a better word, is good." Wall Street, 1987 58.
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."
The Godfather II, 1974 59. "As God is my witness,
I'll never be hungry again." Gone with the Wind,
1939 60. "Well, here's another nice mess you've
gotten me into!" Sons of the Desert, 1933 61.
"Say 'hello' to my little friend!" Scarface,
1983 62. "What a dump." Beyond the Forest,
1949 63. "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce
me. Aren't you?" The Graduate, 1967 64.
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War
Room!" Dr. Strangelove, 1964 65. "Elementary,
my dear Watson." The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes,
1929 66. "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned
dirty ape." Planet of the Apes, 1968 67. "Of
all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks
into mine." Casablanca, 1942 68. "Here's
Johnny!" The Shining, 1980 69. "They're
here!" Poltergeist, 1982 70. "Is it
safe?" Marathon Man, 1976 71. "Wait a minute,
wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet!" The Jazz
Singer, 1927 72. "No wire hangers, ever!"
Mommie Dearest, 1981 73. "Mother of mercy, is this
the end of Rico?" Little Caesar, 1930 74.
"Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown." Chinatown,
1974 75. "I have always depended on the kindness of
strangers." A Streetcar Named Desire, 1951 76.
"Hasta la vista, baby." Terminator 2: Judgment Day,
1991 77. "Soylent Green is people!" Soylent
Green, 1973 78. "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
2001: A Space Odyssey, 1968 79. "Striker: Surely
you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious...and don't call me
Shirley." Airplane!, 1980 80. "Yo,
Adrian!" Rocky, 1976 81. "Hello,
gorgeous." Funny Girl, 1968 82. "Toga!
Toga!" National Lampoon's Animal House, 1978 83.
"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they
make." Dracula, 1931 84. "Oh, no, it wasn't
the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast." King Kong,
1933 85. "My precious." The Lord of the Rings:
Two Towers, 2002 86. "Attica! Attica!" Dog Day
Afternoon, 1975 87. "Sawyer, you're going out a
youngster, but you've got to come back a star!" 42nd
Street, 1933 88. "Listen to me, mister. You're my
knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it. You're going to
get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you,
holding on tight, and away we're gonna go, go, go!" On
Golden Pond, 1981 89. "Tell 'em to go out there
with all they got and win just one for the Gipper. " Knute
Rockne All American, 1940 90. "A martini. Shaken,
not stirred." Goldfinger, 1964 91. "Who's on
first." The Naughty Nineties, 1945 92.
"Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper,
now, about to become Masters champion. It looks like a
mirac...It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the
hole!" Caddyshack, 1980 93. "Life is a
banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"
Auntie Mame, 1958 94. "I feel the need
the need for speed!" Top Gun, 1986 95. "Carpe
diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."
Dead Poets Society, 1989 96. "Snap out of it!"
Moonstruck, 1987 97. "My mother thanks you. My
father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you.
" Yankee Doodle Dandy, 1942 98. "Nobody puts
Baby in a corner." Dirty Dancing, 1987 99.
"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!"
The Wizard of Oz, 1939 100 "I'm king of the
world!" Titanic, 1997
HOLD IT! Where's
"No" from Silent Move, 1976. Wow! I went a
long way for that joke.
Place your bets now. Yes or
No -- Will there be celebratory destruction in San Antonio or
Detroit following Game 7 of the NBA Championships. We shall
see.
THIS LATE SHOW NUMBER IN
HISTORY Today's show number: 2386.
So what happened on February 3, 1986? "Staying Up With
Letterman" is the cover story of February 3, 1986 issue of
Newsweek magazine. To read the article, click on
http://users.abac.com/ksitterley/nwsk1986.htm And that's what
happened on This Show Number in History.
THIS
DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY June 22, 1979: Former
WHA teams the Edmonton Oilers, Hartford Whalers, Quebec
Nordiques and Winnipeg Jets joined the NHL, as it expanded to 21
teams
Michael Keaton; and David Sedaris.
PLUS: 4 Universal Truths; Late Show safety
precaution; Wimbledon Highlight; Telemundo Highlight;
"Dateline" proomo; a Reality Show Quiz; a top ten
list; and Dave clears up a little legal problem.
Dave asks, "Paul, do you think Hawaiian print shirts
are making a comeback?" This stems back from the pre-show
Q&A. I rarely am in position to hear much of the pre-show
chat but today I was running through when a guy on the slightly
heavy side stood up wearing a Hawaiian shirt and asked Dave,
"Do you think Hawaiian print shirts will make a
comeback?" Dave darts back, "Not on you."
There are 4 Universal Truths in the World.
These are bits of knowledge Dave has picked up over the years.
I was able to name two. 1. "When you eat M&Ms
or peanuts, in a matter of seconds you'll be doing this." -
Dave shakes his hand if he has a handful of nuts. -- I
got this one. 2. "Sunday never feels like a
Saturday. It always feels like a Sunday." --- I
didn't get this one, though it sounds the slightest bit
familiar. 3. "If you yank a hair out of your nose,
you'll sneeze." --- I got this one. 4.
"If you are a man and you know how to fold a shirt, chances
are you are gay." --- Damn, I didn't get this one
but I should have.
And of course, the motto here at the
Late Show is "Safety First." It is why
every night before the show we have our building engineer
George Clarke put away the Late Show
bear. And it's not just any bear . . . it's a wild grizzly.
During this, someone offstage sneezed. Dave wants to know who
sneezed. No one comes forward. Paul suggests someone must
have just pulled a hair out of their nose. Oooh, that Paul is
good. He is good.
Dave needs to take care of some
legal matters. We head over to Rupert's. His
Slurpee machine has been spitting out delicious
Slurpees for two weeks now and he's sold close to 1,000.
Unfortunately for us and for Rupert, the 7-11 chain
owns the name "Slurpee." 7-11 called and told us
that Rupert has to stop calling it "Slurpee" or else,
as Dave says, "they will sue your nuts off." After a
beat, a frightened and confused Rupert says,
"Mine?!" That's right. The Late
Show isn't the one making a profit on this. It's
Rupert. So instead, Dave decides to call the delicious icy
treat, "Rupert Jee's Frozen Fruit Whippy." Great
name! It may even dent the Slurpee industry. Hopefully,
Rupert registers this name tonight.
WIMBLEDON
HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT: More slo-mo fun of tennis
sensation Maria Sharapova. Not only is she a
great tennis player (she's the Wimbledon defending champ), she's
also one heck of a business woman. Good for her.
Did
you see the "Dateline" last night with
Katie Couric interviewing the runaway bride? NBC was all
excited about it and they were running this promo for the show.
"Tonight, a 'Dateline NBC' special.
Why did she do it? Why did she run? Learn all the answers as
runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks sits down for the
whole hour with Katie Couric. And as an added bonus, we're
proud to present Ms. Wilbank's eyes in super deluxe 3-D!"
We see her eyes pop out.
TELEMUNDO HIGHLIGHT - from "Laura" - in
this installment, a man is facing the music for turning his wife
into a prostitute. We see a clip of a guy in the
"Laura" guest chair get clotheslined by an audience
member. OUCH! I'll have to ask the writer who found
this footage how and why he watches "Laura." Here in
New York, "Laura" is on up against . . . the
Late Show. Well, I guess that answers the 'why.'
REALITY SHOW QUIZ - There are about 30
reality shows that will run during the summer months.
Yippee. Some of my favorites from the quiz: -On
"The Cut," Tommy Hilfiger shocked the contestants when
he told them: A) "They had just an hour to
design their first piece." B) "One of them
would be eliminated today." C) "He has a
wife and two kids."
-On this episode of
"Supernanny," the biggest mistake these parents are
making is: A) Not establishing clear rules
B) Being too lenient C) Exploiting their
children on reality television
-This is the memorable
episode of "American Chopper" in which: A)
They have trouble building a bike and the father yells at the
son. B) They have trouble building a bike and the
son yells at the father. C) They have trouble
building a bike and the father and son yell at each other
-"Hit Me Baby One More Time" proves: A)
People love nostalgia B) The old rock bands still
sound good C) We're not the only show that recycles
old material
TOP TEN: REASONS SADDAM HUSSEIN
LOVES DORITOS #8. The 'crunch' sounds like the
breaking of a dissident's bones. #3. "Cool
Ranch" flavor is a preview of the paradise that awaits a
martyr. #2. When beard is full of orange crumbs, he can
do hilarious 'Yosemite Saddam' character.
MICHAEL
KEATON: He stars in "Herbie: Fully Loaded"
which opened today. He's also the only good Batman from the
Batman movie series, though I hear Christian Bale's performance
is pretty good. Michael shows off his eyeglasses that
were mauled by his dog. Dave examines the glasses and guesses,
"You put him down, right?" It's a bit of a morbid
thought but I love when Dave slips that in, "put him
down." He does it quite a bit and it catches the guest
off-guard. How did Michael spend summers as a kid?
They really didn't go on vacations, maybe a weekend trip here
and there, but mostly it was just dad getting the kids to pile
into the car and just go for a drive to no place in particular.
Maybe to Raccoon Lake. Michael recalls spending most of his
summer childhood in nothing but his underpants. Ahhh, in his
underpants at Raccoon Lake. Life is so simple for a child.
-Right around here it was suggested in the shack that we
get Michael to do something with Rupert in the ACT 5.
Something was quickly typed up and then had to be distributed.
I was on the distribution end. I tried to follow Michael's
segment best I could, but most slipped through the cracks. I
wanted to sit and listen since Michael is one of my favorite
guests, but I really couldn't. I guess I'll have to read the
Wahoo to find out what happened.
One time
on the way to Raccoon Lake, Michael fell out of the car while it
was moving. He rolled hard on the gravel road. He quickly got
up crying and ran after the car. He was afraid they didn't
realize he was no longer a passenger. He wasn't sure how far he
ran but as a kid, it felt like miles and miles. Michael
is a true professional. When offered an acting job, he likes to
do his best. So it bothered him when he saw a transvestite in
the city the other day who really didn't put any work into
his/her transvestiteness. The guy was a big hulking guy, but
he put nothing into his act. No good walk, no good attitude,
no good technique. It was as if he slapped on a wig and
grabbed his purse and out the door he went. Michael felt if he
was going to play the part, he should at least try to be the
part. "Herbie: Fully Loaded" opened today and
with a little help, Michael was able to explain that it's a fun
movie that adults will enjoy too. It's playing at my drive-in.
I have it penciled in for next week.
Sorry, but that's
all I got on Keaton. I know there was more. After the show,
people were commenting on how much they like Keaton and Sedaris.
Two good guests who can tell a good story and tell
DAVID SEDARIS: Always a joy. No bells, no
whistles, no fireworks, just simple conversation which Sedaris
can twist the way only he can. As a bestselling author,
David is often on a book-signing tour. And at a recent
reading, he decided to put out a tip jar. His bank card was
out of whack and he needed some ready cash. The tip jar was
such a hit that he's included the tip jar at all his readings.
And he still uses the excuse about his bank card.
Another way he makes some easy money at book-signings is this
way: Often times there is at least a 20-minute line for his
readers to get to the signing table. So, just before he
starts, David will go to the back of the line and tell people he
will sign their books immediately for $5. Most people go for
it. And most think the money goes directly to charity. David
tells them, "No, it goes directly to me."
(Hmmm, maybe for $5 I'll e-mail the daily
Wahoo directly to you. . . . But of course, I'm
kidding. Of course . . .)
David's recent splurge into
capitalism has got him in some legal trouble. In UCLA, he
started offered priority signing for smokers. Fans of Sedaris
know he is a fan of the smoking. He decided it would be a good
idea to give smokers the privilege of jumping to the front of
the line. Only those who had a pack of cigarettes on them
could go to the front. Well, at UCLA, a lawsuit was filed
against him for discriminating against non-smokers on state
property. David then changed his priority signing privilege to
smokers and adults who wear braces. He did this just so the
guy would have to amend his lawsuit to say Sedaris was also
discriminating against adults who don't wear braces.
ACT 5: It's Michael Keaton at Rupert's Hello
Deli. Keaton: "Hi, I'm Michael Keaton, and
when I come to New York, I make it my business to enjoy a Rupert
Jee's Frozen Fruit Whippy." Michael sips. He then
turns to Rupert, "I'm gonna sue your nuts off!!"
DAVID SEDARIS: David read a short fable of
his; "The Cat and the Baboon." His reads are always
a riot. I find much of the fun comes after the commas. Be
sure to look for his New York Times #1 best seller, "Dress
Your Family in Corduroy and Denim." Get the book. It's a
great summer read no matter the season. David has
another book out now, a collection of some of his favorite short
stories, entitled, "Children Playing Before a Statue of
Hercules." All the proceeds from the book benefit a
charitable organization called 826NYC, which is a literacy
organization
And that was our show for Wednesday,
June 22, 2005. Wahoo
EXTRA! I thought NBA legend
Bill Walton had bad feet and ankles that made it
hard for him to get around. If that is so, how can he be
hopping from the Spurs bandwagon to the Pistons bandwagon to the
Spurs and back to the Pistons? He's showing great agility!
Let's all take a moment and think back, back, back, to
those school days of long ago . . . . and the joy you felt on
the last day of school. Ahhhhhhh. Now go back and
think about it some more. Ahhhhhhh. Now curse yourself
for not becoming a teacher.
SLURPEE FUN
FACTS: - Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada purchases
more Slurpees than anyplace else in the world - The #1
consumer of Slurpees in the United States is Detroit. -
11.6 million Slurpees are sold each month worldwide -
Since its introduction, 6 billion Slurpees have been
sold. - This July 11, 7-11 will celebrate the 40th
birthday of the Slurpee.
Rush & Molloy
gossip column in Wednesday's New York Daily News: Hermes
luxury-goods store in Paris wouldn't let Oprah in
after closing to buy a watch. No word from Oprah, but a friend
is very upset. Oooh, they wouldn't let Oprah in after the
store was closed? Oh my, they were treating Oprah like a
regular person???? Heavens. Word is Oprah is none too
pleased either. Of course, I'm getting this from Rush
& Molloy, so beware. I'm hearing more hot talk about this
will be coming.
The other day I mentioned how I was
surprised to see that Texas bordered Arkansas. I always
pictured Arkansas over here and Texas way over there. I was
boring someone with that story today when the term
"Texarkana" snuck into my brain. Of course Texas
borders Arkansas! It's Texarkana! What was I thinking?
AFI's TOP 100 MOVIE LINES: 1.
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Gone With the
Wind, 1939 2. "I'm going to make him an offer he
can't refuse." The Godfather, 1972 3. "You
don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender.
I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I
am." On the Waterfront, 1954 4. "Toto, I've
got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." The Wizard of
Oz, 1939 5. "Here's looking at you, kid."
Casablanca, 1942 6. "Go ahead, make my day."
Sudden Impact, 1983 7. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm
ready for my close-up." Sunset Blvd., 1950 8.
"May the Force be with you." Star Wars, 1977
9. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy
night." All About Eve, 1950 10. "You talking
to me?" Taxi Driver, 1976 11. "What we've got
here is failure to communicate." Cool Hand Luke,
1967 12. "I love the smell of napalm in the
morning." Apocalypse Now, 1979 13. "Love means
never having to say you're sorry." Love Story, 1970
14. "The stuff that dreams are made of." The Maltese
Falcon, 1941 15. "E.T. phone home." E.T. the
Extra Terrestrial, 1982 16. "They call me Mister
Tibbs!" In the Heat of the Night, 1967 17.
"Rosebud." Citizen Kane, 1941 18. "Made
it, Ma! Top of the world!" White Heat, 1949 19.
"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this
anymore!" Network, 1976 20. "Louis, I think
this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
Casablanca, 1942 21. "A census taker once tried to
test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice
Chianti." The Silence of the Lambs, 1991 22.
"Bond. James Bond." Dr. No, 1962 23.
"There's no place like home." The Wizard of Oz,
1939 24. "I am big! It's the pictures that got
small." Sunset Blvd., 1950 25. "Show me the
money!" Jerry Maguire, 1996 26. "Why don't you
come up sometime and see me?" She Done Him Wrong,
1933 27. "I'm walking here! I'm walking here!"
Midnight Cowboy, 1969 28. "Play it, Sam. Play 'As
Time Goes By.'" Casablanca, 1942 29. "You
can't handle the truth!" A Few Good Men, 1992 30.
"I want to be alone." Grand Hotel, 1932 31.
"After all, tomorrow is another day!" Gone With the
Wind, 1939 32. "Round up the usual suspects."
Casablanca, 1942 33. "I'll have what she's
having." When Harry Met Sally, 1989 34. "You
know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips
together and blow." To Have and to Have Not, 1944
35. "You're gonna need a bigger boat." Jaws,
1975 36. "Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't
need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking
badges!" The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, 1948 37.
"I'll be back." The Terminator, 1984 38.
"Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of
the earth. " The Pride of the Yankees, 1942 39.
"If you build it, he will come." Field of Dreams,
1989 40. "Mama always said life was like a box of
chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest
Gump, 1994 41. "We rob banks." Bonnie and
Clyde, 1967 42. "Plastics." The Graduate,
1967 43. "We'll always have Paris."
Casablanca, 1942 44. "I see dead people." The
Sixth Sense, 1999 45. "Stella! Hey, Stella!" A
Streetcar Named Desire, 1951 46. "Oh, Jerry, don't
let's ask for the moon. We have the stars." Now, Voyager,
1942 47. "Shane. Shane. Come back!" Shane,
1953 48. "Well, nobody's perfect." Some Like
It Hot, 1959 49. "It's alive! It's alive!"
Frankenstein, 1931 50. "Houston, we have a
problem." Apollo 13, 1995 51. "You've got to
ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya,
punk?" Dirty Harry, 1971 52. "You had me at
'hello.'" Jerry Maguire, 1996 53. "One morning
I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I
don't know. " Animal Crackers, 1930 54.
"There's no crying in baseball!" A League of Their
Own, 1992 55. "La-dee-da, la-dee-da." Annie
Hall, 1977 56. "A boy's best friend is his
mother." Psycho, 1960 57. "Greed, for lack of
a better word, is good." Wall Street, 1987 58.
"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."
The Godfather II, 1974 59. "As God is my witness,
I'll never be hungry again." Gone with the Wind,
1939 60. "Well, here's another nice mess you've
gotten me into!" Sons of the Desert, 1933 61.
"Say 'hello' to my little friend!" Scarface,
1983 62. "What a dump." Beyond the Forest,
1949 63. "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce
me. Aren't you?" The Graduate, 1967 64.
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War
Room!" Dr. Strangelove, 1964 65. "Elementary,
my dear Watson." The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes,
1929 66. "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned
dirty ape." Planet of the Apes, 1968 67. "Of
all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks
into mine." Casablanca, 1942 68. "Here's
Johnny!" The Shining, 1980 69. "They're
here!" Poltergeist, 1982 70. "Is it
safe?" Marathon Man, 1976 71. "Wait a minute,
wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet!" The Jazz
Singer, 1927 72. "No wire hangers, ever!"
Mommie Dearest, 1981 73. "Mother of mercy, is this
the end of Rico?" Little Caesar, 1930 74.
"Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown." Chinatown,
1974 75. "I have always depended on the kindness of
strangers." A Streetcar Named Desire, 1951 76.
"Hasta la vista, baby." Terminator 2: Judgment Day,
1991 77. "Soylent Green is people!" Soylent
Green, 1973 78. "Open the pod bay doors, HAL."
2001: A Space Odyssey, 1968 79. "Striker: Surely
you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious...and don't call me
Shirley." Airplane!, 1980 80. "Yo,
Adrian!" Rocky, 1976 81. "Hello,
gorgeous." Funny Girl, 1968 82. "Toga!
Toga!" National Lampoon's Animal House, 1978 83.
"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they
make." Dracula, 1931 84. "Oh, no, it wasn't
the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast." King Kong,
1933 85. "My precious." The Lord of the Rings:
Two Towers, 2002 86. "Attica! Attica!" Dog Day
Afternoon, 1975 87. "Sawyer, you're going out a
youngster, but you've got to come back a star!" 42nd
Street, 1933 88. "Listen to me, mister. You're my
knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it. You're going to
get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you,
holding on tight, and away we're gonna go, go, go!" On
Golden Pond, 1981 89. "Tell 'em to go out there
with all they got and win just one for the Gipper. " Knute
Rockne All American, 1940 90. "A martini. Shaken,
not stirred." Goldfinger, 1964 91. "Who's on
first." The Naughty Nineties, 1945 92.
"Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper,
now, about to become Masters champion. It looks like a
mirac...It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the
hole!" Caddyshack, 1980 93. "Life is a
banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"
Auntie Mame, 1958 94. "I feel the need
the need for speed!" Top Gun, 1986 95. "Carpe
diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."
Dead Poets Society, 1989 96. "Snap out of it!"
Moonstruck, 1987 97. "My mother thanks you. My
father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you.
" Yankee Doodle Dandy, 1942 98. "Nobody puts
Baby in a corner." Dirty Dancing, 1987 99.
"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!"
The Wizard of Oz, 1939 100 "I'm king of the
world!" Titanic, 1997
HOLD IT! Where's
"No" from Silent Move, 1976. Wow! I went a
long way for that joke.
Place your bets now. Yes or
No -- Will there be celebratory destruction in San Antonio or
Detroit following Game 7 of the NBA Championships. We shall
see.
THIS LATE SHOW NUMBER IN
HISTORY Today's show number: 2386.
So what happened on February 3, 1986? "Staying Up With
Letterman" is the cover story of February 3, 1986 issue of
Newsweek magazine. To read the article, click on
http://users.abac.com/ksitterley/nwsk1986.htm And that's what
happened on This Show Number in History.
THIS
DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY June 22, 1979: Former
WHA teams the Edmonton Oilers, Hartford Whalers, Quebec
Nordiques and Winnipeg Jets joined the NHL, as it expanded to 21
teams