It was a hot weekend here in the New York area. Dave says at his house the temperature was 94 but the heat index, something to do with humidity and dew point, it felt 20 degrees hotter. Dave does some quick math in his head and says that would make it. . . . 114 degrees. The audience gives polite applause for Dave’s arithmetic skill. Dave looks to the audience and says, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” I laughed. I’m sensing Dave doing this more lately, thanking the audience for their applause when the situation obviously did not call for it.

Later on the show we have a woman who will demonstrate the new summer toys this year. Dave blows into his hands and whistles like a loon. Explains Dave, “When I was a child, this was the only toy I had. This and a sharp stick.” Dave does a bit more loon whistling which is followed by polite applause. Dave says “you people are starved for entertainment.”

It’s been hot here in New York City the past few days. How hot? Well, did you watch the Larry King Live show the other day? That should tell you how hot. We see a clip from the Larry King Live. There is his guest, the Reverend Billy Graham. There is Larry. And between them is a running air conditioner. What they were saying, nobody knows. The air conditioner was making too much noise.

Congress is considering the flag burning issue again. Dave tries to explain his feelings on the controversial issue. He says there is such emotional power and greatness represented by the American Flag that “you could not assail it even through physical destruction.” Dave fears he is not explaining himself fully. I think he was trying to say there should not be a constitutional amendment banning the burning of the American flag. “I know how I feel about it. I just can’t articulate it,” he laments.

I know what he means. Years ago, there was a progressive radical lawyer by the name of William Kuntsler in these parts. His ideas grated every ‘good’ American and especially stirred the ire of every police officer in America. He then argued why it should not be a crime to burn the American flag. I’ve cursed him ever since because his argument made sense and I agreed with him. I never thought I would agree with anything this guy said, especially an easy one like burning the American flag, but here he was convincing me it was our right to do so. Dang him. What I got out of it was the flag represents such freedom, so great that it is, that it even allows us to destroy it to express our thoughts. It is our freedom of speech. I hated him for making sense on this.

I then figured if I came across a guy burning the American flag, I could always arrest him on disorderly conduct for burning a red, white, and blue cloth in a public place, creating a hazardous condition, obstructing pedestrian traffic, and creating a public inconvenience.

Anyway, Congress is considering the flag-burning issue again. It’s a tough area in which to find a compromise, but the Democrats are trying. We see and hear this announcement:

“As the House and Senate wrestle with the thorny Constitutional issue of flag burning, the Democratic leadership would like to offer a compromise. Let’s agree that the flag may be microwaved for up to three minutes on ‘high.’
The Democratic Party --- working for you.”

We head over to Rupert’s. But it’s Monday! We see it’s raining out. Dave, looking on the bright side, says “But it’s good for the rhubarb.” This sounds like one of the common comebacks in the Midwest when somebody cries over the rain. I think I’ll incorporate that into my speech. I just did a quick Google check on “good for the rhubarb” and I found it is a common expression. How and why it originated, I’m not sure. Whenever it rains here, I always mumble, “Yeah, but we need it.” I remember a drought one summer. For the next 3 years whenever it rained, somebody was sure to say “Yeah, but we need it.” I’ve kept it up for 20 years now. I think I’ll change over to “but it’s good for the rhubarb.”

A few weeks ago we sent Rupert out to Freefall Adventures in Williamstown, New Jersey to do some skydiving. We captured the trip on video. It was a very funny piece of Rupert doing the scary and dangerous. Skydiving has always been on my list of things to do, but being afraid of heights, I could never get myself to do it, although if I went so far as to get on the plane and get harnessed, I’m sure I would go through with it simply because I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience. I hate to think of myself as an inconvenience. I would rather jump from a plane.

At the end, Dave asks if there is a big tug when the chute is pulled. Rupert says there is a tug but it’s not so bad. I’ve heard that it looks like a big tug because the guy taking the video is still in freefall while your chute opens and slows you down.

TOP TEN: Rejected Titles for Saddam Hussein’s New Novel.
He has a novel about to be published entitled, Get Out, Damned One.
#9. “Of Lice and Men.”
#8. “I’m OK, You’re Uday.”
#1. “The Brotherhood of the Traveling Underpants.”

JEFF GOLDBLUM: He’s in the play The Pillowman, performing to great reviews at the Booth Theater at 222 West 45th Street. What did Dave and Jeff talk about? Not much, but I was thoroughly entertained.

Dave and Jeff start by talking about summer as a kid and playing Little League baseball. Jeff played all the time and describes himself as a pretty good player. He was not happy with the uniforms, though; heavy wool flannel uniforms. Very hot, and not in the Paris Hilton way. Dave says he didn’t quite mind the wool flannel uniform. Dave recalls the joy he felt when he was issued his first Little League uniform. My first Little League uniform was the Astros. Yellow hat, yellow stripes, yellow lettering . . . blue socks. They never shipped our yellow socks so we were given what they had; bright blue socks. We ended the season 1-13. I was number 4 and a catcher. At the time on the Houston Astros, #4 was catcher John Bateman. Jeff once enjoyed a party at Johnny Carson’s house. It was for those in the film, Big Chill which Johnny was a producer. Johnny was very nice, offered food, and performed card tricks. Jeff later was a guest on Johnny’s show, guesting with Sammy Davis, Jr. Jeff also remembers Johnny once telling the story of shaving his neck in the morning and cutting himself right around the Adam’s apple. Jeff says, “Ever since that day to this day, whenever I shave my neck I think of Johnny telling that story.” And this morning in front of the mirror when I was shaving, I was thinking of Jeff Goldblum telling the story of Johnny Carson telling that story. Men, and some of you women, tomorrow when you’re shaving your neck, I want you to think about me writing about Jeff Goldblum telling the story of Johnny Carson telling that story.

Jeff is a fan of the LATE SHOW and listening to him, you could tell he was being truthful. Jeff is amused and interested in Dave’s reaction when a guest is to explain the clip we are about to see. . . and they don’t know the clip. Dave and Jeff both agree that if you are on the show to sell tickets to your movie, you should know what the clip is. Dave says he has to be careful with certain guests. Anger them and other in the business may refuse to do the show. Jeff says this is all backwards. It is the guests, those who are trying to sell something; it is they who should be the ones with hat in hand. They should cater to Dave, not the other way around. I guess in the end, it is mutually advantageous to be courteous and helpful to each other . . . in the end, all in an effort to get the viewers’ money.

Jeff Goldblum: The Pillowman – at the Booth Theater at 222 West 45th Street.

It’s a very popular segment on the show; it’s something we call, “It’s a Fact, with George Clarke.”
We see George with a red blotchy face, looking terrible. He offers this bit of advice:
“Pam Cooking Spray does not work as insect repellant . . . It’s a fact!”

That segment could also be called, “Fun With Rouge.”

ACT 5: It’s time to announce the winner of ‘My Pet Looks Like Dave’ contest! This week’s winner is Ms. Joan Coles of Towson, Maryland, whose pet ostrich Gary is a dead ringer for Dave! And for winning the ‘My Pet Looks Like Dave’ contest, Joan will receive a Swiffer! Way to go Joan and Gary! This has been a ‘My Pet Looks Like Dave’ contest. Stay cool.”

SLEATER-KINNEY: From their CD, The Woods, the 3-women band from the state of Washington performed “Jumpers.”

We ran out of time for the new toys of summer. Shannon Eis will be back on Friday.

And that was our show for Monday June 27, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Sad news; ventriloquist Paul Winchell has died. Obviously, there was no comment from Knucklehead Smiff.

I guess it’s Winchell-Mahoney’s time.

Today’s NBA draft – the only guy I’m interested in is North Carolina State’s Julius Hodge, 6’7” guard. He’s slotted as a late 1st round pick, early 2nd round. I predict he will be the surprise of the draft and have a great 2005-2006 season. How do I know this? Because I saw him play once on TV and he did good. I know my sports. Remember back in April when I touted Juan Cruz of the Oakland A’s? Well, he’s got an 8.49 ERA this year. Do I know my stuff or what?

VERBAL GAFFS
From Cyril S. Payte of Paranaque City, Philippines:

“I have a friend back home who always says ‘last two weeks ago’ instead of ‘two weeks ago’ (and he says that quite a lot). I never fail to give myself a pat in the back for not grinning from ear to ear whenever he says such blunder. Last time we saw each other he said the same thing except that time there was a noticeable long pause between ‘last’ and ‘two weeks ago’. I think he's beginning to learn.“

“As of 6/24/05 I have joined the ‘Verbal Gaff’ club. A co-worker and I were making repairs to a blacktopped bicycle riding trail at a county park. We had to use almost 2 (two) tons of hot asphalt to make the necessary repairs. Upon completion of the job the co-worker replied, ‘when Dennis sees the bill for this job he's going to have a CANARY." I said ‘a WHAT?’ The co-worker said ‘a CANARY, you know, HEART ATTACK!’ I truly believe he meant CORONARY, but knowing this guy, I have my doubts.”

From the Thursday June 23 Wahoo Gazette: I was discussing the store chain E.J. Korvettes:

EJ Korvettes – a Target-like store from the 1950-70’s in the northeast. For years I heard the name EJ Korvettes stood for “Eight Jewish Korean Veterans” who got together and combined their finances and created the store. I also heard it stood for “Eleven Jewish Korean Veterans.” I also heard that it was an urban legend.

The Claim: “The discount chain E.J. Korvette took its name from a shortening of 'eight Jewish Korean War veterans,' the founding partners.”

E.J. Korvette was founded in 1948 (two years before the Korean War) by a Jewish World War II veteran named Eugene Ferkauf. Ferkauf explains the nomenclature thusly:

“I had a name picked out for the store, E.J. Korvette. ‘E’ is for Eugene, my first name, and ‘J’ stands for Joe Swillenberg, my associate and my pal. As for ‘Korvette,’ it was originally meant to be spelled with a ‘C’ after the Canadian marine sub-destroyer, simply because I thought the name had a euphonious ring. When it came time to register the name, we found it was illegal to use a naval class identity, so we had to change the spelling to ‘K.’”

For even more information on E.J. Korvettes – check out:
This link to time-proxy.yaga.com

It’s a Time magazine article about Korvettes from March 10, 1961.

My memories of E.J. Korvettes – it was the best place to buy albums. It had the absolute best hot pretzel stand outside the store in Nanuet, New York. I once found a dollar on the sidewalk of E.J. Korvettes. I reacted as if it were a million dollars. Even though the store in Nanuet has been closed since the late 70’s, I still refer to the shopping center as Korvettes, such as “Pathmark is open 24 hours. I go to the one by Korvettes.”

THIS LATE SHOW NUMBER IN HISTORY
Today’s LATE SHOW Number: 2389.
So what happened on February 3, 1989?
A military coup in Paraguay overthrows dictator Alfred Stroessner.

And from the Donz:
LATE NIGHT ON THIS LATE SHOW NUMBER DATE IN HISTORY.
Tonight’s LATE SHOW Number 2389.
So what happened on LATE NIGHT on February 3, 1989?
LATE NIGHT show number: 1091
Top Ten Princess Diana's Comments While in New York (10. "$300? Just from the airport?"); Al Maher's Box 'O' Thrills (Hershey Kisses); Sandra Bernhard, Emmy Lou Harris, and California Highway Patrol officer Stephen Webb.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
June 27, 1972
33-year old Bobby Hull signs a 10-year contract with the upstart WHA Winnipeg Jets.