I apologize in advance . . . . Today's Wahoo will be brief. Hamstring.

COLD OPEN: We find Dave and Gerry Mulligan sitting in the green room. Seated beside Mulligan is that woman from in the Worldwide Pants jacket we first met last night
DAVE: "How about that Mel Gibson?
MULLIGAN: "I know. Something ain't hooked up right."
DAVE: "He still may be good-looking, but he's become an angry, drunken, bitter old man who's loathed by the public.
MULLIGAN: "Yeah. Take away the good-lookin' part, he could be you."

The Emmys are this weekend, and being a part of the business . . . AND NOMINATED. . . everyone here is antsy with excitement. It's why we put together his exciting new segment, "Late Show Emmy Awards Preview." We get music from Paul, wonderful graphics, and exciting sound effects. And then back to Dave, who explains, "That's all we got so far."

Uh oh. Dave's tie is uneven. How does he know? Seconds before the show, Tony Cue Cards was jumping up and down with glee, 'Your tie's too long! Your tie's too long!"

This past Tuesday was a special day on the Islamic calendar. Some Shiites thought it would be the end of the world, which might explain something odd Dave saw earlier this week on the Satellite television.
Announcer:

"On August 22nd, devout Shiites commemorate the return of the 12th Imam and prepare for the final day of life on earth. So why not celebrate with 'Al-Jazeera's Rockin' Armageddon Eve'? Join us as we count down to the apocalypse with teen heartthrob Khaled el-Hijazi,
the comedy of Farooq the Cable guy,
the gorgeous Tikrit City Dancers,
and the traditional detonation of the giant ball in Taymullah Square.
Regis Philbin hosts 'Al-Jazeera's Rockin' Armageddon Eve.'
Tuesday after 'Unknown Supervisor' (shot of cast of "Who's the Boss"). Only on Al-Jazeera."

Uh oh. What's with the camera? Dave notices the camera drifting off to the left. Dave wonders if it is him who is off-center but soon realizes it's the camera. Dave asks the camera guy, Dave Dorsett, what's the deal? Dorsett looks up a bit startled and says, "Oh, sorry, got caught up in today's Jumble." Dorsett readjusts the camera, still working on the Jumble.

GEORGE W. BUSH ENVIRONMENTAL PRESIDENT - 4 times in a recent speech, the President gets tripped up on National Parks. Each time he started with "natural", and then he had to cut himself short, and changed direction to get National.

Soon after that, Dave is interrupted by a staffer. The guy seems a bit stressed and just a bit out of breath.
STAFFER: "Excuse me, Dave! Excuse me!"
DAVE: "Can I help you?"
STAFFER: "I just wanted to say goodbye before I head out on vacation."
DAVE: "That's great."
STAFFER: "Yeah, after slaving away here all year, I'm off for the luxurious paradise of the Bahamas. . . and I won't be coming back for two weeks! (to Alan and giving the finger) So, 'GIVL' you! (to Paul and giving the finger) And 'GIVL' you! (to Dave, giving two fingers) And "GIIIIIIIIIIIIIVL' you!" He exits.

Dave, a bit confused, says, "Two weeks? Might be a little weird when he gets back."

WHO SAID IT? Joining us for Who Said It is our old friend, Bob Zick. Bob takes a seat on a stool by the spiral staircase.
Who Said It?
-"I will not be content until Israel has been soundly defeated."
Who said it? Paul says "the leader of Hezbollah."
Nope. Mel Gibson.

Off-camera we hear a loud loud laugh. The camera finds Bob Zick sitting on his stool laughing a huge guffaw. It's contagious, since others who didn't think the joke so funny began to laugh, too.

-"I get nervous every time I see toothpaste, shampoo, or deodorant."
Who said it? Paul says, "An airport security screener"
Nope. A New York City cab driver."

Big laugh from Zick, who says through his laughter, "That's pretty good."

-"I still haven't decided whether to I'll run for President in 2008."
Who said it? Paul says "Hillary Clinton"
Nope. George W. Bush.

Zick laughs a laugh I haven't seen since Gleason.

-"People should focus more on how I present the news, and less on the lipstick and skirts I choose to wear."
Who said it? Paul says, "Katie Couric."
Nope. Larry King.

Zick laughs up a storm, chortling "This stuff's killing me."

-"Holy crap! This place is infested with snakes!"
Who said it? Paul says, "A character in 'Snakes On A Plane.'"
Nope. A customer at a New York City Starbucks.

Bob Zick is loving it. Big laugh.

-"I'm now an independent."
Who said it? Paul says, "Joe Lieberman."
Nope. Kate Hudson.

Zick laughs and through his laugh we can hear him ask, "Who's writing this stuff! Who's writing this stuff?!"

-"I record 'America's Got Talent' every week just to see David Hasselhoff."
Who said it? Paul guess, "A media critic"
Nope. David Hasselhoff.

Hmmm. Bob Zick does not find the humor in that at all. Must be a fan of the Hoff. Can't please everybody.

-"I drive fast because if you ain't first, you're last."
Paul says, "Will Ferrell in 'Talledega Nights.'"
Nope. Benedict the 16th in his Pope mobile.

"Call the cops!" Bob Zick cries with laughter, "Call the cops!"

-"Happy Birthday, Mr. President, Happy Birthday to you."
Who said it? Paul: "Staffers singing to Bill Clinton on his 60th birthday."
Nope, but close. Hooters waitresses singing to Bill Clinton on his 60th birthday.

More laughs from Zick.

And finally,
-"We're severing ties with him due to his erratic behavior, bizarre religious beliefs, and ridiculous star demands."
Who said it? Paul: "Paramount Pictures spokesperson discussing Tom Cruise" Nope. CBS spokesperson discussing me."

Big laugh from Zick.
And that was "Who Said It?"

RUTH REGINA: She is an 8th-generation wigmaker. She has worked with all the big stars of the day. What does she think of Dave's hairpiece? She glances and quickly says that Dave does not have a hairpiece. I guess if it were a hairpiece, it would look a lot better than that. She got her big break when she was filling in at the Jackie Gleason Show when it was visiting Miami and made a disheveled Jane Mansfield into a stunner in less than an hour . . . like Lenscrafters. No one thought it could be possible. Jane arrived at the show at around 7:00 and the curtain went up at 8:00. This was back in the day of LIVE TV. Where was she? Ruth tosses in that Jane Mansfield was out all day shopping for a monkey and was hours late getting to the theater. She continues, until Dave makes her backtrack to elaborate a little on the "monkey shopping spree".
Gleason was so impressed with the work of Ruth that he said that if the show ever moved permanently to Miami, she would be hired in a second.
And she worked with the Beatles on their first tour of America. She says proudly, "I got all 4 autographs . . . and a little something to go with it." Huh!!! With that she didn't elaborate.
Ruth then explains how she decided to get into the "Wigs for Dogs" business. I guess the first thing that came to her mind was: No competition. She says it was just a natural progression from a scene she prepared for the theater. After dressing up some dogs in costumes, it suddenly came to her: How about wigs for dogs! And the rest is history.
We see 3 samples of her work as she places wigs on some dogs she brought along. Very odd, but very funny. It's always interesting to listen to someone who is passionate about their craft no matter what the craft may be. Before saying goodnight, Ruth quickly promotes her website. I missed it, but by googling I came up with this. I think this is what she said. www.ruthreginawigs.com

MARK WAHLBERG: He's in the film, "Invincible," a true story about a regular guy from Philadelphia who decided to try out for the NFL Philadelphia Eagles. Actually, being such a big fan of the Eagles, all he really wanted to do was walk on the field. Well, he was so dedicated to this once in a lifetime chance that he goes nuts and makes the team and is named special teams captain. Did he use a stunt person? No. He got knocked around pretty good, and the one time he thought he needed a stunt person because of a bad back, a jarring hit knocked his back right again. We see a clip from "Invincible." Uh oh, that's not right. It's Shecky footage! We see a scene from an old silent film comedy of a football game. Very funny. Mark liked the trickery. We then see the actual clip. It's looks to be one of those movies where I already know the story but won't be able to resist getting caught up in it. I'm sure I'll like it . . . and I'm a Giant fan.

We have something special tonight . . . it's Alan Kalter's Movie Minute." ALAN: "Thanks, DL. Imagine you're 35,000 feet in the air when suddenly you feel something slimy slithering up your leg. That's the premise of the new film, 'Snakes On A Plane.' Take a look."
We see a scene from the film of a woman on a plane. She looks to her right and is horrified.
Woman: "Oh my God! It's headed right towards me!"
The tension is great.
Cut to Alan sitting next to her. He has a big grin on his face. Common porn music is heard (you know the kind). He glances down at his crotch.
ALAN: "That's right, baby doll. And he's coming in for a hard landing."
Dave is not happy with this new piece, "Alan Kalter's Movie Minute." I have a feeling this will be the last time we see something like this.

ACT 5: Announce: "Attention Late Show Viewers. Do you make wigs for monkeys? If so, we'd like to book you on the show. Please send pictures of your best monkey-wig designs to:
'I Make Monkey Wigs'
c/o The Late Show
1697 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
You gotta be in it to win it, so get going, America! We'll be right back."

M. WARD: From his CD, "Post-War", M. Ward performed "Chinese Translation." I liked them. I like the sound and the act. I'll be taking a listen to the rest of the CD this weekend.

And that was our show for Thursday, August 24, 2006. Wahoo EXTRA!

I'm reading where new home sales are down. You mean people are finally realizing they can't afford $700,000 houses?

Yesterday, Paramount Pictures decided to cut its ties with Tom Cruise. They will no longer do business with him. And today they did the same to Pluto.

The International Astronomical Union in Prague ruled today that Pluto will no longer be considered a planet. The good news is that in 2009, it will be replaced by Conan O'Brien.

I just received the new fall schedule for the 4th season of Big Screen Classics at the Lafayette Theater in Suffern, New York. Lots of good stuff. The Lafayette Theater is a big old beautiful theater, the only place I go these days to see a movie. During the Big Screen Classic season, the theater shows classic films on Saturday mornings at 11:30. Get there early and you get to enjoy music from the Wurlitzer organ. I like to take my girls to the theater and sit in the balcony. It's more than just a movie; it's an event. I'm looking forward to the October 28th offering of "What Ever Happened To Baby Jane.". I think my 10-year-old girls are ready. It's been a longtime favorite in my wife's family. I imagine we'll have close to 20 going to that showing. The other one I'm sure to attend is December 16th's "Babes in Toyland", more commonly known as "March of the Wooden Soldiers."

Saturday Morning Classic Matinees, 11:30am
9/16 CITIZEN KANE (1941, directed by Orson Welles) - starring Orson Welles and Joseph Cotten
9/23 THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING (1975, directed by John Huston, presented in Panavision) - starring Sean Connery and Michael Caine
9/30 THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH (1955, directed by Billy Wilder, presented in CinemaScope and stereophonic sound) - starring Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell
10/7 THUNDER BAY (1953, directed by Anthony Mann, presented in dye-transfer Technicolor) - starring James Stewart and Joanne Dru
10/14 BECKET (1964, directed by Peter Glenville, presented in Panavision and dye-transfer Technicolor) - starring Peter O'Toole and Richard Burton
10/28 WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE? (1962, directed by Robert Aldrich) - starring Bette Davis and Joan Crawford
11/4 SHANE (1953, directed by George Stevens) - starring Alan Ladd and Jack Palance
11/11 THEY WERE EXPENDABLE (1945, directed by John Ford) - starring John Wayne and Robert Montgomery
11/18 NOW, VOYAGER (1942, directed by Irving Rapper) - starring Bette Davis and Claude Rains
11/25 HORSE FEATHERS (1932, directed by Norman Z. McLeod) - starring the 4 Marx Brothers
12/2 THE BIG SLEEP (1946, directed by Howard Hawks) - starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall
12/9 THE PINK PANTHER (1964, directed by Blake Edwards, presented in Panavision) - starring Peter Sellers, David Niven, Robert Wagner
12/16 BABES IN TOYLAND (MARCH OF THE WOODEN SOLDIERS) (1934, directed by Charley Rogers, presented in its original full-length version) - starring Laurel & Hardy

SPECIAL SHOWING:
October 23 & 24 - Maragaret Mitchell's GONE WITH THE WIND, starring Clark Gable & Vivien Leigh
October 25 & 26 - David Lean's DR. ZHIVAGO, starring Omar Sharif and Julie Christie