DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Amy Sedaris; Kim Kardashian; and Brian Regan. PLUS:A 55-Gallon Water Balloon; Biff at the Democratic National Convention; and a Top Ten List.
" . . . and now, radical propagandist and voice of the common man . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
Dave conducts another of his insta-polls during the monologue. Obama or McCain. The audience gives a very slight edge to . . . . McCain.
Following the monologue, we head to the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater to visit once again Paul Thoresen of water balloon fame. The last time Paul was here, he dropped a 55-gallon water balloon onto a convertible parked on the sidewalk 90 feet below. And what does he have for us tonight? Tonight we will be dropping a 55-gallon water balloon onto a convertible of tourists. We get a shot of the convertible with a family of tourists and see the tourists are obviously mannequins . . . . . or from North Dakota. STOP! It’s just a joke! I have nothing against North Dakotans. I could have picked any state west of Ohio and east of California.
How smart am I? Instead of just insulting North Dakota and leaving it at that, I’ve insulted a score of states in middle America. Nice job, Mike. Thank goodness nobody reads this.
What kind of car is it, Alan? "Dave, it’s a 1985 Chrysler LeBaron Town & Country convertible! It comes equipped with imitation wood paneling, automatic transmission, leather upholstery, power locks and windows, and an AM/FM cassette radio. It has 94,062 miles on the odometer and a blue book value of $1000."
Dave gives the weather stats and announces today’s celebrity birthday: Elliot Gould turned 70 years old today!
Time to unload. With direction from Paul Thoresen, Late Show property master Pat Farmer and his fellows lift the enormous water balloon and drops it down to 53rd Street. Uh oh! It missed! Hmmmm. Now what? Luckily, we have a back up balloon. We go to commercial while the team on the roof fills the next water balloon.
ACT 2: BIFF AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
Biff says it’s pretty quiet at the convention and does not have much to report. Dave informs Biff that the Convention ended last night and wonders why Biff is still in Denver.
Biff: "Honestly, I’m not in a rush to get back."
We go back to the roof. How is the filling of the water balloon going? Pat Farmer informs us that it’ll be another minute or two. On the platform, we see a wooden box. What’s that doing there? The box contains the balloon and offers it support and form. It’s easier to fill it with water. We watch the dismantling of the box and the 55-gallon water balloon is revealed. It’s time to try it again. This time: HIT! You sunk my convertible! The water balloon destroys the driver. Nice job.
And that’s how we play, "Let’s Drop A 55-Gallon Water Balloon Onto a Convertible Filled with Mannequins."
ACT 3: AMY SEDARIS
The perky and adventurous Ms. Sedaris wears a festive "I Like Rum" dress. She was doing an event for a rum company where she was asked to judge art work, and then drink a lot of rum. Why was she asked to host something for a rum company? It probably had to do with her reputation of being a fine hostess. She’s even written a book on how to be a good hostess.
Amy asks Dave how his treehouse is coming along. Dave admits to having some trouble with the roof. Amy has been having trouble with her bathroom. She hired a contractor. She re-enacted his first visit to her bathroom. His ideas sounded a bit odd, and then he asked her out. Wow. I’ve heard a lot bad pickup lines, but I doubt "Can you come over and fix my toilet" is one of them.
Amy asks Dave about his footwear. He once wore sneakers on the show, but now wears shoes with tassels. Amy likes the tassels. Dave, a gracious host, rips the tassel off his shoe and presents it to Amy. She then uses the tassels as a prop mustache and earrings.
How has her summer been? She says she happened upon a nude beach out on Long Island at Jones Beach. As is often heard, people who frequent a nude beach are people you would not want to see naked. It’s usually full of people whose skin needs ironing. She saw one guy walking on the beach with a cane. And Dave said . . . . . c’mon, what did he say? What would Dave say about a guy with a cane at a nude beach? Dave said, "Are you sure it was a cane?" Hey-OOOOO!
Amy is quite the craftswoman. What is she working on now? She’s working on collecting doll wigs and placing them over doorknobs. She then demonstrates some of the fun things one can do with doll wigs. Could be the hot item his Christmas season!
You can see Amy in Nickelodeon’s, "Gym Teacher: The Movie" premiering September 12th.
ACT 5: Announce: "Monday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Penelope Cruz; skateboarder Danny Way; and Randy Newman. The Late Show! Your back-to-school headquarters.
We’ll be right back."
ACT 6: KIM KARDASHIAN: From the E! channel’s "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and the new film, Disaster Move, which opened today. Kim recently went through a harrowing experience of almost losing a toe. She was in her hotel room and attempted to push herself away from her desk using her foot. The desk had a jagged edge and sliced her big toe. She quickly got a camera to take photos, or evidence, and she shared them with us. Stitches? No, though the cut could have used stitches. Kim was recently selected to participate in "Dancing With The Stars" and stitches would have hampered her steps. In the long run, stitches may have been more beneficial, but the show must go on. Instead of stitches, her doctor used derma-glue.
Kim’s stepfather is Bruce Jenner, 1976 Gold Medal Decathlete. This was before Kim was born. She only knows him as her dad. In the 4th grade, Kim had to write a biography about a famous person. Bruce suggested, "Why not do it about me?" Kim thought about it for a minute, then asked, "But. . . who are you?"
And we learn that Kim has a new boyfriend. It’s USC Heisman Trophy winner and running back for the New Orleans Saints, Reggie Bush. Disaster Movie – in the clip, we see Kim wrestling Carmen Electra.
ACT 7: BRIAN REGAN: Always very funny; one of my favorite standups on the show. Brian has a Comedy Central special premiering next Saturday, September 6th at 10:00 PM, entitled "The Epitome of Hyperbole."
- Ever mingle at a party and then enter into a conversation that is way over your head?
And that was our show for Friday, August 29, 2008.
15 years at CBS. Tonight's show marked our 15th Anniversary at CBS. Show #2975. When will Show #3000 be broadcast? I have a pretty good idea, but you can never be sure.
I remember back on January 3, 1995, we celebrated our 300th show. We had a big festive graphic with much fanfare celebrating our 3,000th show. Dave then realizes, “Oh, I'm sorry. It's only our 300th show. Never mind." 3,000 shows seemed impossibly far into the future back then, but . . . here it comes. It'll be Show #3,000 in a few weeks. I wonder if 3M will congratulate us with a gross of post-it notes. 3M = 3,000.
First Late Show at CBS: August 30, 1993. Total Late Show programs: 2975, plus 4 primetime specials. Total “Late Night with David Letterman" programs: 1,810. Total David Letterman daytime shows: 90.
Grand total to date: 4,879. OK then, when will Dave's 5,000th show be broadcast? And when that comes around, I'll do another for his 5,000th program broadcast in late night.
There are two types of people: Those who look forward to the 3-day Labor Day weekend, and those who are school teachers.
Hey hey, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has been chosen by John McCain to be his running mate. What I overheard on FOXNews moments before it was announced:
Sarah Palin --- Beauty contestant - entered Miss Alaska contest - dad took her moose hunting as a kid - played high school basketball - Nickname as a point guard on her basketball team: Sarah Barracuda, and Fire and Nice.
Will Sarah Palin pick up Hillary's female supporters? Could be. As always, I ask myself if this decision is best for America or best for the Party. Whether she's the right choice or not, it makes the election that much more entertaining, and shallow as I am, that's pretty much all I want.
It remains to be seen if the selection of the Alaska governor will go down as McCain's Folly. Look for it in Saturday's headlines.
And now once again, “Late Night The Day They Were Born." Kim Kardashian was born October 21, 1980. So, what happened on Late Night the day Kim Kardashian was born? Well, there was no such thing as Late Night at that time, but there was the daytime “David Letterman Show."
So, what happened on “The David Letterman Show" on October 21, 1980? I'm not sure, but it was canceled 3 days later.
The other day I asked what's the deal with all those apostrophes found in the Hawaiian Islands. It's now Hawai'i. It's now Mau'i. It's now O'ahu. I saw ABC TV had written Hawaii's Little League team as Hawai'i. Whaddup?
From Wahoo reader Mitchell Shirota of Haiku, HI.
“In addition to being the ‘official' spelling, the addition of the diacritical mark in ‘Hawai'i' (known as an 'okina, or ‘glottal stop') is to help with pronunciation. It is actually not an apostrophe or accent, but kind of like an upside-down number six with the circle filled in. The correct way to pronounce the name of both the State and the Big Island, is not Hah-wah-ee, but Ha wai'ee or Hah vai'ee. The ‘ai' in ‘Hawai'i is a diphthong which is pronounced like the ‘i' in ‘light'. See this website for helpful information: http://www.geocities.com/dhc2020/hawaiianspelling.htm Keep up the great work, and congrats on the fish! Aloha, Mitchell."
Next question: Where do people from Hawai'i go on their honeymoon?
We're taking Labor Day off.
Monday's previously viewed program.
From August 6, 2008; #2968 - Penelope Cruz; Danny Way; and Randy Newman. PLUS: Biff hangs with Olympic hopefuls.
Consult the Wahoo Archives and make your plans accordingly.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Smithtown, Long Island, it's Kimberly Quinn.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Amy Sedaris; Kim Kardashian; and Brian Regan. PLUS:A 55-Gallon Water Balloon; Biff at the Democratic National Convention; and a Top Ten List.
" . . . and now, radical propagandist and voice of the common man . . . . David Letterman!"
ACT 1:
Dave conducts another of his insta-polls during the monologue. Obama or McCain. The audience gives a very slight edge to . . . . McCain.
Following the monologue, we head to the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater to visit once again Paul Thoresen of water balloon fame. The last time Paul was here, he dropped a 55-gallon water balloon onto a convertible parked on the sidewalk 90 feet below. And what does he have for us tonight? Tonight we will be dropping a 55-gallon water balloon onto a convertible of tourists. We get a shot of the convertible with a family of tourists and see the tourists are obviously mannequins . . . . . or from North Dakota. STOP! It’s just a joke! I have nothing against North Dakotans. I could have picked any state west of Ohio and east of California.
How smart am I? Instead of just insulting North Dakota and leaving it at that, I’ve insulted a score of states in middle America. Nice job, Mike. Thank goodness nobody reads this.
What kind of car is it, Alan? "Dave, it’s a 1985 Chrysler LeBaron Town & Country convertible! It comes equipped with imitation wood paneling, automatic transmission, leather upholstery, power locks and windows, and an AM/FM cassette radio. It has 94,062 miles on the odometer and a blue book value of $1000."
Dave gives the weather stats and announces today’s celebrity birthday: Elliot Gould turned 70 years old today!
Time to unload. With direction from Paul Thoresen, Late Show property master Pat Farmer and his fellows lift the enormous water balloon and drops it down to 53rd Street. Uh oh! It missed! Hmmmm. Now what? Luckily, we have a back up balloon. We go to commercial while the team on the roof fills the next water balloon.
ACT 2: BIFF AT THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION.
Biff says it’s pretty quiet at the convention and does not have much to report. Dave informs Biff that the Convention ended last night and wonders why Biff is still in Denver.
Biff: "Honestly, I’m not in a rush to get back."
We go back to the roof. How is the filling of the water balloon going? Pat Farmer informs us that it’ll be another minute or two. On the platform, we see a wooden box. What’s that doing there? The box contains the balloon and offers it support and form. It’s easier to fill it with water. We watch the dismantling of the box and the 55-gallon water balloon is revealed. It’s time to try it again. This time: HIT! You sunk my convertible! The water balloon destroys the driver. Nice job.
And that’s how we play, "Let’s Drop A 55-Gallon Water Balloon Onto a Convertible Filled with Mannequins."
ACT 3: AMY SEDARIS
The perky and adventurous Ms. Sedaris wears a festive "I Like Rum" dress. She was doing an event for a rum company where she was asked to judge art work, and then drink a lot of rum. Why was she asked to host something for a rum company? It probably had to do with her reputation of being a fine hostess. She’s even written a book on how to be a good hostess.
Amy asks Dave how his treehouse is coming along. Dave admits to having some trouble with the roof. Amy has been having trouble with her bathroom. She hired a contractor. She re-enacted his first visit to her bathroom. His ideas sounded a bit odd, and then he asked her out. Wow. I’ve heard a lot bad pickup lines, but I doubt "Can you come over and fix my toilet" is one of them.
Amy asks Dave about his footwear. He once wore sneakers on the show, but now wears shoes with tassels. Amy likes the tassels. Dave, a gracious host, rips the tassel off his shoe and presents it to Amy. She then uses the tassels as a prop mustache and earrings.
How has her summer been? She says she happened upon a nude beach out on Long Island at Jones Beach. As is often heard, people who frequent a nude beach are people you would not want to see naked. It’s usually full of people whose skin needs ironing. She saw one guy walking on the beach with a cane. And Dave said . . . . . c’mon, what did he say? What would Dave say about a guy with a cane at a nude beach? Dave said, "Are you sure it was a cane?" Hey-OOOOO!
Amy is quite the craftswoman. What is she working on now? She’s working on collecting doll wigs and placing them over doorknobs. She then demonstrates some of the fun things one can do with doll wigs. Could be the hot item his Christmas season!
You can see Amy in Nickelodeon’s, "Gym Teacher: The Movie" premiering September 12th.
ACT 5: Announce: "Monday on the Late Show, Dave is joined by Penelope Cruz; skateboarder Danny Way; and Randy Newman. The Late Show! Your back-to-school headquarters.
We’ll be right back."
ACT 6: KIM KARDASHIAN: From the E! channel’s "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and the new film, Disaster Move, which opened today. Kim recently went through a harrowing experience of almost losing a toe. She was in her hotel room and attempted to push herself away from her desk using her foot. The desk had a jagged edge and sliced her big toe. She quickly got a camera to take photos, or evidence, and she shared them with us. Stitches? No, though the cut could have used stitches. Kim was recently selected to participate in "Dancing With The Stars" and stitches would have hampered her steps. In the long run, stitches may have been more beneficial, but the show must go on. Instead of stitches, her doctor used derma-glue.
Kim’s stepfather is Bruce Jenner, 1976 Gold Medal Decathlete. This was before Kim was born. She only knows him as her dad. In the 4th grade, Kim had to write a biography about a famous person. Bruce suggested, "Why not do it about me?" Kim thought about it for a minute, then asked, "But. . . who are you?"
And we learn that Kim has a new boyfriend. It’s USC Heisman Trophy winner and running back for the New Orleans Saints, Reggie Bush. Disaster Movie – in the clip, we see Kim wrestling Carmen Electra.
ACT 7: BRIAN REGAN: Always very funny; one of my favorite standups on the show. Brian has a Comedy Central special premiering next Saturday, September 6th at 10:00 PM, entitled "The Epitome of Hyperbole."
- Ever mingle at a party and then enter into a conversation that is way over your head?
And that was our show for Friday, August 29, 2008.
15 years at CBS. Tonight's show marked our 15th Anniversary at CBS. Show #2975. When will Show #3000 be broadcast? I have a pretty good idea, but you can never be sure.
I remember back on January 3, 1995, we celebrated our 300th show. We had a big festive graphic with much fanfare celebrating our 3,000th show. Dave then realizes, “Oh, I'm sorry. It's only our 300th show. Never mind." 3,000 shows seemed impossibly far into the future back then, but . . . here it comes. It'll be Show #3,000 in a few weeks. I wonder if 3M will congratulate us with a gross of post-it notes. 3M = 3,000.
First Late Show at CBS: August 30, 1993. Total Late Show programs: 2975, plus 4 primetime specials. Total “Late Night with David Letterman" programs: 1,810. Total David Letterman daytime shows: 90.
Grand total to date: 4,879. OK then, when will Dave's 5,000th show be broadcast? And when that comes around, I'll do another for his 5,000th program broadcast in late night.
There are two types of people: Those who look forward to the 3-day Labor Day weekend, and those who are school teachers.
Hey hey, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has been chosen by John McCain to be his running mate. What I overheard on FOXNews moments before it was announced:
Sarah Palin --- Beauty contestant - entered Miss Alaska contest - dad took her moose hunting as a kid - played high school basketball - Nickname as a point guard on her basketball team: Sarah Barracuda, and Fire and Nice.
Will Sarah Palin pick up Hillary's female supporters? Could be. As always, I ask myself if this decision is best for America or best for the Party. Whether she's the right choice or not, it makes the election that much more entertaining, and shallow as I am, that's pretty much all I want.
It remains to be seen if the selection of the Alaska governor will go down as McCain's Folly. Look for it in Saturday's headlines.
And now once again, “Late Night The Day They Were Born." Kim Kardashian was born October 21, 1980. So, what happened on Late Night the day Kim Kardashian was born? Well, there was no such thing as Late Night at that time, but there was the daytime “David Letterman Show."
So, what happened on “The David Letterman Show" on October 21, 1980? I'm not sure, but it was canceled 3 days later.
The other day I asked what's the deal with all those apostrophes found in the Hawaiian Islands. It's now Hawai'i. It's now Mau'i. It's now O'ahu. I saw ABC TV had written Hawaii's Little League team as Hawai'i. Whaddup?
From Wahoo reader Mitchell Shirota of Haiku, HI.
“In addition to being the ‘official' spelling, the addition of the diacritical mark in ‘Hawai'i' (known as an 'okina, or ‘glottal stop') is to help with pronunciation. It is actually not an apostrophe or accent, but kind of like an upside-down number six with the circle filled in. The correct way to pronounce the name of both the State and the Big Island, is not Hah-wah-ee, but Ha wai'ee or Hah vai'ee. The ‘ai' in ‘Hawai'i is a diphthong which is pronounced like the ‘i' in ‘light'. See this website for helpful information: http://www.geocities.com/dhc2020/hawaiianspelling.htm Keep up the great work, and congrats on the fish! Aloha, Mitchell."
Next question: Where do people from Hawai'i go on their honeymoon?
We're taking Labor Day off.
Monday's previously viewed program.
From August 6, 2008; #2968 - Penelope Cruz; Danny Way; and Randy Newman. PLUS: Biff hangs with Olympic hopefuls.
Consult the Wahoo Archives and make your plans accordingly.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Smithtown, Long Island, it's Kimberly Quinn.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
